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Chapter Twenty One: ON SILENCE

Silence is one of the virtues mentioned in Ethics of the Fathers. Rabbi Simon, the son of Gamliel, said, "All my days I grew up among the Sages, and I have found nothing better for a person than silence" (Aboth 1:17). And thus said king Solomon, "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise" (Prov. 17:28). And the wise man said, "When I speak, my speech rules over me, for when I utter something that is not worthy, that utterance rules over me and forces me at times to beg the pardon of whoever has heard me, but when I do not speak I rule over whether I want to give expression to a thought or whether I want to conceal it." Our Sages said (Yalkut Shimoni, Beha'alotkha) : Two advocates stood before Hadrian; one taught that speech was best and one taught that silence was best. The king said to the one who taught that speech is best, "Why do you say this?" And he said to him, "My Lord, if it were, not for speech how would kings be proclaimed? How would ships sail to the sea? How would kindness be done to the dead by way of eulogy? How would brides be praised? How would business be carried on in the world?" At once, King Hadrian said to him, "Well have you spoken!" Then he said to the one that taught that silence is best, "Why have you have praised silence?" Just as the man was about to answer the first advocate interrupted him. The king said to him, "Why did you interrupt him?" said he, "My Lord, I taught from what is mine concerning what is mine, for I taught by speech the value of speech, but he comes to teach by my means, speech, concerning that which he believes in, silence. Therefore I interrupted him." Said the other advocate to him, "Solomon did not say that God would have you sit as silent as a deaf mute. But he said, 'In the multitude of words there wanteth not transgression; but he that refraineth his lips is wise" (Prov. 10:19). This means that one ought to restrain himself from speaking against his fellow man. There is no one greater than Aaron or Miriam — through Miriam's merit a well sprang up and gave drink, and clouds of glory would surround Israel through the merit of Aaron. But inasmuch as they gave permission to their mouths and they spoke against Moses, they were at once punished (Num. 12).

There are several reasons for which the Divine Presence departs from Israel. The shedding of blood, the worship of idols, and gossip. There is a story concerning Rabban Gamliel who made a feast and gave to his servant tongues to cook. The servant cooked some of them soft and some of them hard. First he brought in to the guests the soft tongues, and then he served them the hard tongues. Rabban Gamliel called his servant and said to him, "For what reason have you done thus — some soft and some hard?" And the servant answered, "To show that everything comes from the tongue; if a man wants to he can make it soft, or hard" (Midrash Rabbah on Lev. 33:1).

Said some people to a wise man, "Why are you so silent?" He said to them, "I have found that speech is divided into four categories. The first is altogether harmful, for example when people are accustomed to curse other people, or to speak vile words. The second involves damage on one side, for example when one praises another in order to derive some advantage from him, and with this very praise he angers the enemy of the man of whom he speaks so highly and will surely do harm to one who praises his enemy. The third type involves neither damage nor gain, for example, idle talk — how such-and-such a wall was built, and how much money was spent on it, and romances about kings and nobles. The fourth, which is altogether beneficial, for example, the Torah and things that depend upon it." But there are some men wise in the Torah who divide speech into five categories. The first, commandments of the Torah. The second, things to guard oneself against. The third, things that should be despised. The fourth, things that should be loved. The fifth, things that are permissible. Speech involving the commandments means to speak words of Torah and reverence of God. Things to guard oneself against — such as : giving false testimony, obscenity and gossip. Things to be despised are those which are neither sinful nor beneficial, as is the case with most stories in the world. For example, to speak about what has already happened, and of the habits of kings, and this and that concerning the matters of the world. Speech which should be loved is the speech which praises good deeds and denounces evil deeds. It praises the deeds of the righteous so that their ways will appear good in men's eyes and they will follow their example, and it denounces the wicked until they are scorned and detested in the eyes of people, and their memory will be blotted out and people will stay away from them, and will not follow their evil ways. Speech which is permissible is speech concerning merchandise for trade and matters concerning clothes, and the matter of food and drink and the rest of a person's needs, but he who minimizes his words in such matters is to be praised. According to the words of the wise, most of the words spoken in the world are unnecessary, not to mention those things the speaking of which is severely prohibited, for example : mockery, flattery, lies and gossip. On these four, it is our intention to write separate chapters further on in this book.

There are times when silence is good, as when divine justice strikes against a man, as in the case of Aaron, as it is written, "And Aaron held his peace" (Lev. 10:3). If a person hears people reviling him, he should be silent. And this is a great quality, to be silent in the face of one's revilers. And one should also accustom himself to be silent in the synagogue, for this is modesty and it requires great alertness properly to direct his heart in prayer. And if one is sitting among the wise he should be silent and listen to their words, for when he is silent, he hears what he does not know, but when he speaks he does not add anything to his knowledge. However, if he is doubtful as to the meaning of the words of the wise he should ask them, for to be silent in such a case is very bad: King Solomon said, "A time to keep silence, and a time to speak" (Eccl. 3:7) — there are times when speaking is good and there are times when silence is good. And the wise man said, "When you do not find a man who can teach you morality, then cleave to silence lest you speak folly." And since the tongue is very facile, one must take care to make it heavy, to guard it so that it does not speak. An abundance of words is like a heavy burden, and the weight of many words is more difficult to bear than the weight of much silence. And if a man hears his neighbor speaking he should be silent until he finishes, "He that giveth answer before he heareth, it is folly and confusion unto him" (Prov. 18:13).

He who is accustomed to be silent, is saved from many transgressions : from flattery, from mockery, from gossip, from lies, and blasphemies. For when a man shames and reviles him, if he answers him, then the offender will double his reviling and his insults. And thus said the wise man, "I hear a bad word, but I am silent." And they said to him, "Why?" And he said to them, "If I respond or answer my revilers, I fear that I will hear other insults much worse than the first." And he said, "Where a fool takes issue with a wise man, and the wise man is silent, this in itself is a great answer to the fool." And he said, "A fool has greater anguish in the silence of the wise man, than if the wise man would respond to him." And on this it is said, "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him" (Prov. 26:4).

Then too, if a person is silent, others can reveal secrets to him, for inasmuch as he is not accustomed to speak much he will not reveal the secret. Moreover, it is not his habit to indulge in gossip, and concerning this it is said, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21), for a man can do more harm with his tongue than he can with a sword. For a man can stand here and yet betray his companion, who is a long distance from him, and cause his death (by his word), while the sword can only slay someone who is near it. Therefore man was created with two eyes, two ears, two nostrils and one mouth to say to him that he ought to speak less. Silence is fitting for the wise, and thus all the more so for fools. "A fence around wisdom is silence" (Aboth 3:13). "There is no better medicine than silence" (Megillah 18a).

But there are times when silence can be evil, as it is written, "Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes" (Prov. 26:5). With respect to words of the Torah, if a person sees that the fools are scorning the words of the wise, he should answer in order to turn them back from their errors so that they do not imagine themselves wise in their eyes. If a man sees another man committing a transgression, he should protest and reprove him. And long ago Solomon said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath" (Prov. 15:1), "and a soft tongue breaketh the bone" (Prov. 25:15). Therefore, a man should accustom himself to speak gently and not harshly. And be careful to guard your tongue like the apple of your eye, for "A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are the snare of his soul" (Prov. 18:7). And it is further written, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles" (Prov. 21:23). And it is said, "Oh, that ye would altogether hold your peace! And it would be your wisdom" (Job 13:5). And if you are sitting in a group, it is better that they should say to you, "Speak, why are you so silent?" than that you should speak and your words become such a burden to them that they finally say to you, "Be silent!"

One should be very careful not to shame any man, and not to cause any man anguish by his words. If one is sitting near a man who has a physical defect of which he is ashamed, or if there is some flaw in his family pedigree, then one must be careful not to speak about that type of defect or flaw. Even if one does not speak specifically about his neighbor but about such a defect or flaw in another person, his neighbor will think that the speaker is really referring to him and will be ashamed.

If a man did a shameful thing and later did repentance for it, one must take care not to speak about that act in front of him. And he must not even say to him in jest, "How could you do such a thing and not guard against it? You should have undertaken a different matter!" Or if a man tells you something that you already know, be silent until he finishes for perhaps he will add something that you did not know before. Then too, he derives pleasure from the telling and even if you know that he is not going to add anything, be silent until he finishes.

If two men had a quarrel and afterwards they were reconciled, neither should say to the other, "You did such and such to me, and therefore I did such and such to you." And this is true even if he has no intention of resuming the quarrel. For when he says to the other, "You did to me such and such!" then his companion is bound to say, "On the contrary, the fault was yours!" with the result that the quarrel is stirred up once again. And even if you do not stir up the quarrel, this comment will shame him with the knowledge that he did wrong.

There is one who sits before a wise man and is silent and derives a reward for this, for example, one who intently sets himself to listen. And there is one who is silent, and derives a sin from his silence, for example, one who thinks, "Why should I speak before him, inasmuch as he does not know enough to answer me suitably; he does not know as much as I by a long way." And he should be very careful not to think thus, as our Sages said, "There are seven marks of an uncultured man, and seven of a wise man : the wise man does not speak before him who is greater than he in wisdom; and does not break in upon the words of his fellow; he is not hasty to answer; he asks in accordance with the subject matter, and he answers to the point; he speaks of the first thing first and of the last, last; concerning that which he has not heard, he says ; 'I have not heard'; and he acknowledges the truth — and the reverse of these are to be found in an uncultured man" (Aboth 5:7).

The wise man said, "He who speaks with wisdom and intelligence, it is like salt to a cooked dish." And there is charm in the words of the wise like a ruby in a setting of gold. But "the poor man's wisdom is despised, and his words are not heard" (Eccl. 9:16). This being the case, let him put his words in the mouth of a wise man or a rich man in order that they may be heard, while he himself is silent.

The general rule here is this : When a man makes a door for the entrance to his house, there is a time to open it and a time to close it. So should he close the doors of his mouth, for there are actually two doors, the lips and the teeth. And be very careful as to when you open your mouth, and guard your tongue as you would silver and gold and pearls in your room and in your jewel case, and make a lock for the lock. Observe how the Sages of old guarded themselves from idle talk all their days. And in this way you will acquire the great virtue of praying with complete devotion for most of the interference with devotion in prayer comes from frivolous things that are stuck in one's mind. Silence is also a great fence for the reverence of God, for it is impossible to have reverence of God in one that speaks too much.

Now we must explain to you in four chapters four classes of people that do not receive the Divine Presence (Sotah 42a). A company of scoffers, as it is written, "He stretcheth out his hand with scorners" (Hos. 7:8). A company of liars, as it is written, "He that speaketh falsehood shall not be established before mine eyes" (Ps. 101:7). A company of flatterers, as it is written, "That a hypocrite cannot come before Him" (Job 13:16). A company of gossipers, as it is written, "For Thou are not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness; Evil shall not sojourn with Thee" (Ps. 5:5). And now it is important to acquaint you with their ways and to divide the matter into proper divisions, for there is great advantage in understanding this matter thoroughly.

Scoffing, or mocking, may be divided into five types. The first is the man who slanders people, as it is said, "Thou sittest and speaketh against thy brother; thou slanderest thine own mother's son" (Ps. 50:20). And he who does this is called a scoffer, as it is written, "A proud and haughty man, scorner is his name, even he that dealeth in overbearing pride" (Prov. 21:24). The meaning of the verse is that scoffer possesses two evil qualities in him. The first is that he is malicious and commits his sin deliberately, and that he plots against his fellow in a matter from which he himself derives no profit, yet he causes great damages to his fellow. For when he slanders this person and causes people to loath and to hate him, this is the height of malice, worse than the robber or the thief. For when a man steals or robs, there is no malice in his heart, but he is only bent on his own profit, to increase his wealth, but he who slanders people derives no profit from it, and it is in fact an inferiority of the mind. The scoffer is also arrogant and exceedingly proud and therefore he slanders people. But the wise man is modest and lowly. He is aware of his own shortcomings and therefore will never find fault with other as do the scoffers who sit and say, "So and so did thus and thus" and they jeer at him.

The second type is the one who mocks the words of people because he holds them in contempt because they too did not prosper in money matters and in the attainment of honor, and he makes fun of the poor. Not that he accuses them of any defect; they are simply despicable in his eyes. And this comes about because of arrogance or, at times, because the scoffer has ease and too much pleasure, as it is said, "Our soul is full sated with the scorning of those that are at ease, and with the contempt of the proud oppressors" (Ps. 123:4). This is proof that those who live at ease are often scoffers, and at times because of their great security they mock the righteous, as it is said, "Every one mocketh me" (Jer. 20:7). And it is said, "Whoso mocketh the poor blasphemeth his Maker" (Prov. 17:5). The explanation is that he who laughs at the poor man because he is poor, does so because it seems to him that the man is poor because of his lack of wisdom while he himself is rich because of his wisdom, as it is said, "My power and the might of my hand hath gotten me this wealth" (Deut. 8:17). Thus, he who scoffs at a poor man reviles the Creator. For he (the poor man) is the work of God, as it is written, "The rich and the poor meet together — The Lord is the maker of them all" (Prov. 22:2). And therefore he is really scoffing at the word of God, Blessed be He.

The third type is the one who scoffs at things, although he has no intention to humiliate those who do them. Yet by his scoffing he hinders work that has hope of success and might be achieved. This type of scoffer is wise in his own eyes, and everything that he himself has not begun he considers folly and mocks it. This trait can even lead him to heresy, mocking the Commandments themselves, as it is written, "The proud have had me greatly in derision; yet have I not turned aside from Thy law" (Ps. 119:51). And this type of a scoffer does not accept rebuke, as it is said, "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee" (Prov. 9:8). And it is said, "He that correcteth a scorner getteth to himself shame" (Prov. 9:7). And inasmuch as he is wise in his own eyes he mocks the work of another man, and this is a trait for which there is no hope, as it is said, "Seest thou a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope of a fool than of him" (Prov. 26:12).

The fourth type is the man who attaches himself always to idle conversation and to empty matters, like those who sit at the corner of the road and look forth with all their power to find an occasion for mockery, for they have nothing else to do but to sit and jeer at people and scoff at their deeds. And there are two evils in this matter. One is that everyone who speaks too much is sure to bring about sin. The second is that he is thus kept idle from studying the words of the Torah, and this is a fatal path for it does not occur to him that in the time that he sits and scoffs he could study or do good deeds, thus acquiring life in the world-to-come.

The fifth type is he who scoffs at things, not because he scorns the deed that he jeers at, but rather that he laughs in the way of entertainers by way of amusement. There are times when too much drinking of wine causes this, as it is said, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is riotous" (Prov. 20:1).

And know that the habits of scoffing does not become fixed in a man unless he removes the yoke of Heaven from upon him. Therefore, he must be prepared to accept afflictions with which he may be punished, measure for measure. As it is said, "Now therefore be ye not scoffers, lest your bands be made strong" (Is. 28:22). And the Sages would caution their pupils not to scoff, even thouth it might be by chance, without any previous intent. And on this subject they were required to warn their pupils, for many stumble into this fault of scoffing by chance (Abodah Zarah 18b). Scoffing at those who fulfill the commandments is a thing that comes very close to heresy, and he who does so indicates that he does not believe in the commandments. For if someone should mock at the commands of a king, is his life worth anything? Moreover, one who scoffs also causes others to sin in that they will not observe the commandments for fear of his mockery. But one may mock idolatry (Sanhedrin 63:2), and he also may scoff at those who commit transgressions, in order to withhold them from sin. Then, too, others will not commit sins if people scoff a them for so doing.