Group None

Chapter Twenty Four: ON FLATTERY

Flattery may be divided into nine categories. The first is where a man knows that his friend is a wicked man and a deceiver, that he spreads evil reports about the innocent, that he robs the money of others, and yet this man who knows all this comes and flatters him — not that he actually flatters or praises him, but rather he speaks smoothly to him saying, "You did no wrong in what you did."

In this case there are many transgressions and much punishment. First of all, he should have reproved the offender for his sins, yet not only does he fail to do this, but he says to him, "You have not sinned," thus strengthening the bonds of evil-doers. This flatterer will be punished because he was not zealous for the truth. Not only this, but the flatterer places a stumbling block before the sinner by saying, "You have not sinned," for then the offender will not repent of his evil deeds and will continue to sin. This is apart from the guilt that the flatterer incurs because of the injury and pain of the people whom the sinner has injured and given pain, and whom the sinner will not reimburse for the damage nor conciliate his victims because of the flattery of the flatterer. For the flatterer justifies the wickedness, it is said, "He that justifieth the wicked and he that condemneth the righteous, even they both are an abomination to the Lord" (Prov. 17:15). All the more is this true if the wrong of the sinner is known to many, and the flatterer flatters the sinner publicly and says, "Pure and upright are you," then the flatterer has profaned the Name of God, he has shown contempt for law and judgment.

A man should undergo danger rather than be guilty of this sin. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, concerning Agrippas, that when he was reading the Torah and came to the verse, "Thou mayest not put a foreigner over thee, who is not thy brother" (Deut. 17:15), his eyes shed tears. Those who were near him said, "Do not fear Agrippas. You are our brother." In that hour the "enemies of Israel" [a euphemism for the "Chidren of Israel" where anything dire is said concerning them] became liable to destruction for they flattered Agrippas (Sotah 41a-b).

Nor should one who sits in judgement fear any man, as it is said, "Ye shall not be afraid of the face of any man" (Deut. 1:17). More over, such flattery entails the guilt of falsehood.

The second category is where the flatterer praises a wicked man before people, whether in his presence or not, even though the flatterer does not justify him in his evil deeds but makes a general statement, "He is a good man." Concerning this it is said, "They that forsake the law, praise the wicked" (Prov. 28:4). For if the one who praises the wicked man had not abandoned the Torah he would not praise the wicked man who transgresses the Torah and its words. Nor should he defend the wicked man before people and say "He did a good act (on another occasion), therefore have pity on him (in this case)." He who does this is very evil, for those who hear him will think that he is really a righteous man and will honor him. And there are many stumbling blocks caused by paying honor to the wicked. For when honor is given to the righteous sages and they are held in the highest regard, then all the people listen to their counsel. Then, too, others will envy them their good deeds and will continue to seek instruction and knowledge will increase, and from studying Torah not for its own sake they will be led to studying Torah for its own sake.

Moreover, there are many people who, when they see the glory and beauty of the Torah will recognize its excellence and the thought will enter their heart to study it for the sake of the Holy One, Blessed be He. Thus, everyone will come to honor the righteous, and he who honors the righteous, so to speak, fulfills the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, in creating the world. And he who shames the righteous man and him who reveres God nullifies the intention of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as if to say, "To serve God is not the principal end of man." Therefore, pay honor to those who serve the Holy One, Blessed be He, in order to honor the Holy One, Blessed be He, to make it known that serving Him is alone the principal duty of man.

But in honoring the wicked there is a profanation of the Torah and of God's service, and this is a transgression that wears away flesh and bone. Then again, many may be drawn to do similarly and they receive retribution, and in this vein the Sages said, "Woe to the wicked, woe to his neighbour" (Nega'im 2:6). Moreover, in honoring the wicked the honor of the righteous is brought low, and there is no honor to the righteous except after the degradation of the wicked. And since there is a stumbling block to the world in the honoring of the wicked one should guard himself against speaking good of the wicked, nor should one mention them for good, as it is said, "But the name of the wicked shall rot" (Prov. 10:7). And it is written, "An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous" (Prov. 29:26). And if a man does not want to speak of the wickedness of a wicked man let him not speak of his goodness.

The third category is he who flatters a wicked man to his face and says to him, "What a charming and good man you are." Now even though this flatterer does not praise the wicked man in public, so that the wicked man will not become a stumbling block to the multitude, still this type of flatterer is guilty of a great sin as it is written, "With his mouth the impious man destroyeth his neighbour; but through knowledge shall the righteous be delivered" (Prov. 11:9). For when he praises him, the wicked man believes him and considers himself good, and his heart will be uplifted and he will be proud and not repent. For a man who is not righteous will say in his heart when people praise him. "I always knew that this was so." And thus the wicked man becomes more corrupt through the flatterer's flattery.

But as for the righteous man, if a man praises him, he will not be proud of this, because our Sages said, "Even if all the world says, concerning you, that you are righteous, be in your own eyes like a wicked man" (Niddah 30b). And they said, "If you have friends, some of whom praise you, and some of whom correct and rebuke you, love the ones that rebuke you, and hate the ones that praise you, for the ones that rebuke you are conducting you to life eternal, and those who praise you will rejoice in your misfortune even though they praise you" (Abot de R. Nathan, 29). And it is said, "And a flattering (smooth) mouth worketh ruin" (Prov. 26:28). Scripture has likened a smooth mouth to a smooth (slippery) path, for just as a man will fall and be thrust down if he walks upon a slippery path — as it is said, "The angel of the Lord thrusting them, let their way be dark and slippery" (Ps. 35:5-6) — so will a man be thrust down and fall by a smooth mouth, which is a flattering mouth filled with sin. And concerning this it is said, "May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaketh proud things" (Ps. 12:4). He has cursed the smooth mouth, for with it a man destroys his friends, and he has also cursed the hard tongue that carries gossip which is the opposite of the smooth tongue.

And there is a type of flattery which one pays to the mighty, so that they will like them and raise them up and make them great. Concerning this our Sages said, "Everyone who flatters his companion in order to obtain honor, the end of the matter will be that he will depart in shame" (Aboth de R. Nathan, 29).

The fourth category of flattery is he who becomes a companion to the wicked. Even though he does not flatter him and does not praise him, but since he is near to him and in his company, he will be punished. Not only does he not rebuke him, but on the contrary, he brings him near to him in companionship, and puts him at a distance from his rebuke, and there is a sin in this. He adds to his sin by bringing the wicked person so close to him, as it is said, "Because thou hast joined thyself with Ahaziah, the Lord hath made a breach in thy works" (II Chron. 20:37).

The righteous people reject the wicked, and our Sages, of blessed memory said, "Not for nothing did the starling follow the raven, but because it is of the same kind" (Baba Kamma 92b). And it is said, "Every fowl dwells near its kind and man near his equal" (Ben Sira 13:5). And they said, "It is forbidden to look at the form of a wicked man" (Megillah 28a), as it is said, "Were it not that I regard the presence of Jehoshaphat the king of Judah, I would not look toward thee, nor see thee" (II Kings 3:14). And everyone who looks at the form of a wicked man, his eyes grow dim in his old age, like Isaac, our father, whose eyes grew dim because he looked upon Esau, even though he did not know of Esau's evil deeds.

There are many and great stumbling blocks in the companionship of the wicked. The first is that he loves the enemy of the Creator of all, and a servant faithful to his master does not become companion of him who hates his master. The second is that he may learn from his deeds to do evil. The third is that others too may join with the wicked man, and trust him, and he will rob them, and they too may learn from his deeds. And even if they do not learn from him, they see him do things that are forbidden for them to see. And neither will be repent, although if they were to rebuke him and separate themselves from him, then he would repent of his evil way. And he who joins in companionship with the wicked man, the end of the matter is that the wicked man will rule over him, and this is the worst evil of all, for inasmuch as the wicked man rules over him, he will not allow him to do good. The fourth stumbling block is that a good man, out of fear of the wicked man, will have to lay aside several good things that he should have done. Therefore, a man should not join in companionship with any one except one who reveres God. In the case of Resh Lakish, whenever he would stop to speak with anyone in the market place, everybody would trust the person to whom he spoke, and trust him to the extent of selling him merchandise without witnesses (Yoma 9b), for they were certain that if Resh Lakish spoke with a man in the market place, he must be trustworthy. This shows that merely to speak with a person may be like flattery.

The fifth category is a man who is trustworthy in the eyes of all the people, and to whom everybody listens, and who appoints his relative as synagogue warden or as Rabbi, saying, "I have appointed him because he is wise," when the fact of the matter is not so, all the people rely upon him. And the same is true of one who says about someone whom he does not know that he is trustworthy, with the result that the people put their pledges into his hand and he deceives them, and the Sages, of blessed memory, said : "Anyone who sets up a judge that is not worthy, it is as though he planted an idolatrous grove in Israel, and if he did so in a place where there are scholars, then it is as though he had planted this pagan grove near the altar itself. And the Holy One, Blessed be He, will surely exact retribution in the future from those who set up this type of judge" (Sanh. 7b).

The sixth category of flattery is he who is in a position to protest against an evil and does not protest, nor does he pay any attention to the deeds of the sinners. This thing comes close to flattery, for then the sinners think, "As long as they do not protest and do not reproach us, all of our deeds must be good." But we have been commanded to root out the evil from our midst, as it is said, "So shalt thou put away the evil from the midst of thee" (Deut. 13:6).

And our Sages said, "Everyone for whom it is possible to protest against the sinful things of the people of his household, and he does not protest, is considered guilty of the wrongs of the men of his household. If it is possible for him to protest against the deeds of the people of his city and he does not do so he is held responsible for the wrongs of the people of the city. If it is possible for him to protest against the wrongs of the whole world and he does not do so, then he is considered guilty of the wrongs of all the world" (Shabbath 54b). And it is said, "And they shall stumble one upon another" (Lev. 26:37). And our Rabbis, of blessed memory, explained it as meaning, "Each man for the sin of his brother," which teaches us that all Israel are responsible, one for another (Sanh. 27b).

The seventh category of flattery is he who sees that the people of his place are very subborn and he says in his heart, "Perhaps they will not pay any attention if I rebuke them," and therefore, he refrains from reproving them. This, too, is a sin and he will bear his iniquity, for he did not attempt to warn and rebuke them; if he had done so, perhaps they would have repented. And it was for this that the otherwise completely righteous persons were punished with the destruction of the First Temple (see Shabbath 55a).

However, if it is a thing known to everybody and it has been searched out and tested and established that the sinner hates correction and will not listen to those who rebuke him, concerning this it is said, "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee" (Prov. 9:8).

And they said: Just as it is a commandment to say a thing that will be heard, so is it a commandment not to say a thing that will not be heard (Yebamoth 65b). And our Sages said, "Better that they (the sinners) should commit a wrong not knowing that it is a wrong, than that they should commit that wrong intentionally" (Shabbath 148b).

The eighth category is he who hears gossip or vile words, or who associates with scoffers and those who shame the Torah and the commandments, and he knows that they are stubborn and that they will not accept rebuke, and therefore is silent. He, too, will be punished, for it is up to him to answer them so they connot say that he is like them and that by his silence he admits the truth of their words. He must scold them in order to ascribe greatness to the Torah and to the commandments and to be zealous for the honor of the righteous man whom they have condemned. And this is one of the circumstances where a man must leave the companionship of the wicked, for he will be punished if he hears their evil words constantly and he cannot answer them. And this matter is explained in the words of Solomon, "Be not thou envious of evil men, neither desire to be with them; for their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief" (Prov. 24:1—2). His meaning was that you will bear their sin if you hear their evil words always and hold your peace.

The ninth category of flattery is he who honors the wicked because he wants to preserve peace. It is true that he does not speak good of the wicked and he does not conduct himself in any way that would cause people to think that the wicked person is honored in his eyes, for he does not show him any honor except in the way that people honor the rich, because their path has been prosperous, and not because of their own merit. Yet even in this there is sin and guilt, for it has never been permitted to honor the wicked, except for terror, that is to say, if one is afraid that the wicked man will injure him or cause him a loss at a time when the hand of the wicked is mighty. Therefore it was permitted to honor the wicked man as people respect all men who are mighty, but he should not praise him and should not speak good of him to people. And so said our Sages, of blessed memory, "It is permissable to flatter the wicked in this world" (Sotah 41b). But there are wicked whom we may not flatter. Whence do we derive this? From Mordecai, who was advised to flatter Haman, to which he retorted, "Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity" (Deut. 23:7). And they would say to him "Our Rabbis taught that we must flatter them for the sake of peace," but even then, Mordecai did not want to flatter such a wicked man as this.

And a man may flatter his wife for the sake of peace in his home, and he may flatter his creditor so that he does not oppress him, and his teacher so that he will teach him Torah. And it is a very good deed to flatter one's pupils or companions so that that they will study and hearken to his words, accepting his reproof to observe the commandments. Likewise one may flatter any man where he thinks that he will thereby draw him to him, so that he will listen to him, and perform the commandments. If he were to come to him with anger, the man would not listen to him, but if he comes to him with flattery, the man will accept his rebuke. In such a case, it is a very good deed to flatter him in order to bring forth the precious from the vile. For there is a man that will not accept a rebuke when it is delivered with scolding, but will when it is done gently, as it is said, "The words of the wise spoken in quiet" (Eccl. 9. 17). There are times, however, when scolding is necessary, as it is said, "A rebuke entereth deeper into a man of understanding" (Prov. 17:10). And there are times when even a lashing is proper, as it is said, "And stripes for the back of fools" (Prov. 19:29). And there are times when even a lashing will do no good, as it is said, "Than a hundred stripes unto a fool" (Prov. 17:10). If so, what shall we do to him? There is no way of correcting him, therefore you must drive him away.

There is a flattery that is very evil, for example, where a man flatters his companion and speaks to him sweet words, in order that his companion should rely upon him and trust him, and after he trusts him and relies upon him, then this man deceives him, and this is like the matter of which it is said, "For in vain the net is spread in the eyes of any bird; and these lie in wait for their own blood, they lurk for their own lives" (Prov. 1:17—18). The meaning of the verse is that those who trap birds throw wheat upon the trap, and when the birds come to eat the wheat that is spread upon the net, they are captured. And this type of flattery is like such a hunter. The Sages have forbidden us to flatter, and they said (Hullin 94a), A man should not send a gift to his companion when he knows that his companion will not accept it, and he should not invite his companion to eat with him when he knows that he will not eat with him. And if a man wants to open a barrel of wine in order to sell it, and his companion comes to buy wine, he should not say to him, "I want to open a new cask just for you." All these and the like are called "theft of the mind." And our Sages forbade us to flatter or to "steal people's minds" (ibid.).

Rabbi Simon, the son of Halafta said, "From the date that the power of flattery grew strong, laws have been twisted and deeds have been perverted, and no man was able to say honestly to his companion, 'My deeds are greater than your deeds.' " Said Rabbi Elazar, "Every man that has flattery in his nature, brings wrath upon the world," as it is said, "But they that are godless in heart lay up anger" (Job 36:13). Not only this, but his prayer is not heard, as it is said, "They cry not for help when He bindeth them" (ibid). And even the unborn children, still in the wombs of their mothers, curse him, and he falls into Gehennah. And everyone who flatters a wicked man falls into his hand. And if he does not fall into his hand, then he falls into the hand of the son of the wicked man, and if he does not fall into the hand of his son, then he falls in the hand of his grandson (Sotah 41b). Every congregation that has within it the trait of flattery is as loathsome as a woman in her impurity, and in the end will be exiled (Sotah 42a).

Therefore a man should keep himself far from flattery and should never flatter a man so as to cause him to cling to his wickedness, even though he could thereby receive great favors from him. He should not flatter his relative, or his children, when they do not walk in a good path. For how many people remain with their wickedness because they see that no shame comes to them because of their ugly ways, and because they see that people flatter them and there is nothing in the world that locks the gates of repentance to a person as does flattery.

There is a story about a good man who had a daughter to marry off and there were at his side two men, both of whom wished to marry his daughter. And so this good man went and asked another man to pick a quarrel with him. And he then called upon the two young men to judge the matter between him and the one with whom he quarrelled. And this is the way they did it. One of them flattered this good man so that he would give him his daughter, and he found in his favor on every point. But the second suitor said, "You are not right; the other man is." Then the father of the girl gave his daughter to the man who had found him guilty, for he said, "This man must certainly be a good man, for he did not flatter me, nor did he show prejudice in my favor" (Sefer Hasidim, 1142).

Therefore, a community leader, or a judge, or a charity official must not be a flatterer. For if the community leader flatters any man and he does not reprove him to do good and turn aside from evil, then the whole congregation will be spoiled, for everyone will say, "The community leader flatters so and so," and that man does not receive the rebuke he deserves. Similarly if a judge flatters one of the parties to a suit, then the words of the other one become stopped up and he is unable to present his case properly, with the result that the judgment will not be a true judgment. And so is it with charity officials who are flatterers and distribute charity to one who flatters them, or they flatter him and give him charity even though he is not deserving of it. Therefore a righteous person should keep himself very far from flattery, neither flattering nor accepting flattery from others. And he should be very careful that when he does good deeds he does not intend by them to flatter others, but only for the sake of Heaven.

Now the worst of all forms of flattery is he who flatters another in order to cause him to sin. For example, if he has a quarrel with people and the law is not with him, and he flatters certain people into helping him and strengthening his error. Or if a certain person constantly pursues sins, such as fornication and other bad deeds, and he flatters his companion in order to persuade him to do as he does. For example: Jeroboam, the son of Nebat, merited the kingdom because he did not flatter Solomon, but rebuked him in the matter of Solomon's building Millo (Sanh. 101b).

Now he who wishes to be free from the vice of flattery should take care to remove himself from seeking honor, for one who does not care about being honored will have no need to flatter. And he should also be very careful not to derive benefit from others, for most flatterers flatter a man when they think they will obtain some benefit from him. Therefore, he who keeps away from these two things, benefit and honor, is saved from many transgressions. For many people do good deeds in order to receive honor from others, and this spoils all of a person's good work. For many people do good deeds and lead the congregation in prayer, but, knowing that they have a pleasant voice, they think in their heart during the service "How pleasant my voice is and how much pleasure people get when they hear me!" This is the way of the Evil Inclination. It does this with all the precepts of the Torah, to cause man to fall into his net so that his deeds shall not be for the sake of God. And so it is with one who derives benefit from another, even though he sees him commit all the transgressions in the world, he will not feel it proper to rebuke him, for he is afraid that he will no longer derive the benefit from him. This matter is a stumbling block for some of our wise men in this generation; they seek to gain some benefit from the people and so they flatter them in order that the people will maintain them strongly in their high positions. And as if it were not bad enough they do not rebuke the people for the things they do, but, because they flatter the people, they themselves imitate their deeds and are drawn after them.

It is in the nature of man to be influenced in his ideas and his deeds by his friends and his companions, and he usually conducts himself as the people of his country do, and what they do, he does also. Therefore a man ought to associate with righeous men and always sit among the wise so that he may learn from their deeds, and he should separate himself from the wicked, who walk in the darkness, so that he will not learn from their deeds. This is what King Solomon says, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but the companion of fools shall smart for it" (Prov. 13:20). And he says, "Happy is the man that hath not walked in the counsel of the wicked" (Ps. 1:1).

If he is in a country whose leaders are bad, and whose people do not walk in the righteous path, he should go to a place whose people are righteous and follow good ways. And if all the countries of which he knows and hears conduct themselves in a way that is not good, or if he cannot go to a country whose leaders are good, because of mobilization of troops or because of illness, then let him sit by himself alone, as it is said, "Let him sit alone and keep silence" (Lam. 3:28). And if the people among whom he dwells are so evil and such sinners that they do not permit him to dwell in that country unless he mingles with them and conducts himself in their evil way, then he should go forth to caves, ravines and deserts, but let him not conduct himself in the way of the sinners. As it is said, "Oh that I were in the wilderness, in a lodging-place of wayfaring men" (Jer. 9:1).