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Chapter Twenty Five: ON GOSSIP

The term "gossip" applies to anyone who tells anything that defames his companion, even though he speaks the truth, while one who speaks falsehood is called "one who brings forth an evil repute." A gossip who sits and says, "Thus and thus did so and so do? and thus and thus were his ancestors, and thus and thus did I hear concerning him," and he says shameful things — of him the Scriptures say, "May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaketh proud things" (Ps. 12:4).

Our Rabbis, of blessed memory, said, "If one speaks gossip, it is as though he denied God" (Arakin 15b, and see T.P. Peah, 1:1). As it is said (Ps. 12:15), "Who have said : 'Our tongue will we make mighty : our lips are with us : who is lord over us?' " (Arakin 16b, and see T.P. Peah, 1:1). And therefore our Sages considered him as though he denied God, for he does a great evil to his companion, by making him odious in the eyes of the people and causing him other losses, though he himself derives no profit out of this. There is no doubt that one who makes a habit of speaking gossip has thrown off the yoke of Heaven from upon him, for he sins without any benefit to himself, and he is worse than a thief or an adulterer, for they pursue after their pleasure (Shohar Tov, 120:3). And there is no throwing off the yoke of Heaven as bad as when one deals in gossip. Our Sages further said, "The sin of gossip is weighed equally with the sin of idolatry and sexual immorality and bloodshed" (Arakin 15b). Now it is very astonishing that gossip should be equated with these sins, which are those to avoid which a man must rather let himself be killed than transgress (Sanh. 74a). And they said, "The sin of idolatry is so great that anyone who confesses to it, it is as though he denied the whole Torah" (Hullin 5a). And they said, "One who lusts after any form of idolatry, is a rebel against the whole Torah" (Hullin 4b).

And it is important to give the full meaning in this matter, for a gossip repeats his folly; ten times or more every day he humiliates and shames people, aside from the damage that he does to the one that he speaks against. And even a small transgression, when done many times, becomes great, just as although a single hair is soft and very weak, if you gather many hairs together, you can make of them a strong rope. And when they said that gossip is on a scale with those three mortal sins, they referred to one who commits any of these sins once, because of great temptation, but not to one who is such a complete apostate that he has excluded himself from the people of Israel, in order to commit these sins repeatedly. Moreover, a gossip finds it difficult to repent, because he is used to this habit and has taught his tongue to speak evil. Furthermore, this sin appears very light in his eyes, for he says, "I did not do anything — it was just talk." He does not consider the great damage he does, and therefore he does not repent. And even if he should repent, his repentance is not complete, for he does not realize the enormity of the sin which he has committed. Moreover, he must first obtain forgiveness from those against whom he has spoken, and he cannot remember whom they all are. And it may happen that he spoke against a man, and did him evil, and caused him harm and forgot what it was that he said about that man, for gossip is always covered up; it is a blow struck in secret. The gossiper is here and smites with his tongue a person who is far away from him (Arakin 15b, Gen. Rabbah 98:19). And this type of sinner is ashamed to let his victim know that he has done him evil. Sometimes he speaks about a defect in the family of the object of his gossip, thus injuring the generations that come after him, and there is no forgiveness for this, for our Sages said, "For one who speaks about a flaw in a family, there is no forgiveness eternally" (T.P. Baba Kamma 8:10).

Moreover, one who is accustomed to speak gossip will sometimes speak words against God, as it is written, "They have set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth" (Ps. 73:9). And there is no greater guilt in all of the sins than the guilt of him who blasphemes God. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, "With ten trials were our ancestors tried, and in all them their fate was not sealed except for the sin of gossip" (Arakin 15a, Shohar Tov, 39a). As it is said, "As ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you" (Num. 14:28). And it says, "And the Lord heard the voice of your words and was wroth" (Deut. 1:34). And the Torah itself does not protect gossipers. Doeg the Edomite, as soon as he had spoken gossip, his wisdom did not avail him and all of his knowledge of the Torah did not protect him (Sotah 21a, Sanh. 106b).

As to that which our Sages said, that "One sin quenches a commandment, but one sin does not quench the whole Torah" (Sotah 21a), as it is said, "For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is a light" (Prov. 6:23) — this applies to one who commits a sin by chance, but not to one who completely throws off the yoke of warning against a sin. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, "The congregation of Israel is beloved for its voice" (Shohar Tov, 39a), as it is said, "Let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice" (Cant. 2:14). And it is also hated for its voice, as it is said, "She hath uttered her voice against Me, therefore have I hated her" (Jer. 12:8). From this we can conclude that "life and death are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21). And it is said, "And those who love her will eat her fruit" (ibid.). This means that one who loves the tongue, that is to say a man who loves to speak constantly, it is worthy and true counsel to him that he should eat of its fruit. In other words, he should not speak idle talk, but should speak words of the Torah, or words that will bring peace, or words that will teach many to do good, and he should teach them the good and keep them far from evil, and to be zealous for the truth, for there is no end to the good deeds that a man may do with his tongue. And this is the meaning of "life and death are in the power of the tongue."

Gossips may be divided into six categories. The first is he who speaks evil of people and says, "Thus did they do," when in fact they did not do so, and at times he will slander an honorable and innocent person — in which case he is both a liar and a gossip. And we have been warned by the Torah not to accept gossip because it may be false, as it is said, "Thou shalt not utter a false report" (Ex. 23:1). And one who speaks gossip, will also be quick to accept gossip. And you should know that if one who hears gossip endorses what he has heard, then he is just as guilty as the gossiper. For all who hear that he agreed, will say, "Since he endorses it, it must be true." And even if he does not agree, but simply listens intently to the words, and appears to believe them, in the presence of people, he causes others to believe them too, and thus he helps the gossiper. For if he were to scold the gossiper, then he might restrain him from telling more, but since he pays attention and shows that he is interested, he causes him to speak even more gossip. And, behold, we have been warned by the verse, "Thou shalt not utter a false report" that we should not believe a gossip story in our hearts, for this would leave a strong imprint in our thoughts that the words are true and cause us to despise the object of the gossip.

The second category; he who speaks gossip that is true Even if he should remind another in private of some evil deed of his ancestors, he transgresses what is written in the Torah, "And ye shall not wrong one another" (Lev. 25:17); it is concerning wrongs done with words that the Scripture speaks (Baba Mezi'a 58b).

The third category of gossip is he who, in the presence of others, shames another because of something which his ancestors did. Concerning this our Sages, of blessed memory, said, "Everyone who causes the face of his companion to whiten (through shame) in public has no share in the world to come" (Aboth, 3:11).

The fourth category of gossip is this. If one publicly makes known the abominations of someone's ancestors, although not in the presence of the victim of the gossip, in order to shame him in the eyes of people — concerning this they said, "A group which speaks gossip cannot receive the Divine Presence" (Sotah 42a).

The fifth category is this. If the object of the gossip is a former sinner who has repented, and someone tells about the sins that he committed before he repented, in this there is great guilt (Baba Mezi'a 58b). "For one who repents of his wrongdoing, his sins now become merit" (T.P. Peah 1:1). And this gosiper shames him with sins that, through repentance, have become his merit. Moreover, he places a stumbling block before him for the victim may think in his heart, "Just as he shamed me so shall I shame him," and enter into a quarrel with him, with the result that he perverts his repentance and returns to his former state. Moreover, others who hear of this one's shame may be restrained from repenting their evil deeds, and thus the gossiper has locked the doors of repentance. And know, that if a man sees that his companion transgressed a commandment in secret and he reveals it in public, he is guilty of a sin, for perhaps the transgressor has repented of his evil way and did not want to admit it except to an understanding Sage who would not shame him, so that he could repent of his evil deed. But one should keep away from one who has done evil until he knows that his companion has repented of his evil way. And if the sinner is a scholar and a man who fears to commit a sin, it is proper to take it for granted that he has done repentance, and that if his evil inclination overcame him once he surely must have had remorse afterwards.

He who speaks gossip is punished not only for the injury he did to his fellow man but also for rejoicing in his shame, as it is written, "And you shall love your neighbour as yourself" (Lev. 19:18). Just as he loves his own honor, so should he love the honor of his companion, and it is written, "And he that is glad at calamity shall not be unpunished" (Prov. 17:5).

In a sense, the sin of one who gossips about something that is true is greater than that of one who tells false gossip. For when a man tells true things about another, people believe him and the victim remains contemptible in their eyes even after he has shown remorse and repented his sin; but as for false gossip, most people will understand that it is a lie and will not believe it. But, in general, falsehood carries a greater guilt than the truth.

The sixth category is he who gossips about community officials who are worthy and who collect funds honestly and apportion alms to those who revere God. He who slanders them, saying that they steal from the charity funds and show bias in favor of some recipients as against others, and distribute the alms to those they favor and to their own relatives — this is gossip in which the guilt is incalculable. For it causes officials to quit their posts and others, who are evil, to be chosen in their place with the result that the gossiper deprives the charity givers of an opportunity to do good and he robs the deserving poor, for the other collectors who are evil will have no mercy on the good. The consequence is that this gossiper has nullified the service of the Holy One, Blessed be He, and shamed the servants of the Holy One, Blessed be He, and their children and their relatives. For instead of fulfilling his duty to honor the officials, not only did he not honor them but he did evil to them. And he thus restrains other God-fearing people from being officials, for they think, "Why should we engage in an activity where people will suspect us, just as they suspected these others, who are God-fearing men?"

And our Sages, of blessed memory, said, "Gossip slays three people — the one who speaks gossip, the one who listens to it and the one about whom the gossip is said" (Arakin 15b, and see T.P. Peah 1:1). And he who listens to the gossip is guiltier than he who speaks it. It is forbidden to dwell in the neighborhood of gossips, all the more so is it forbidden to sit with them and listen to their words.

There is another evil in gossip and that is that the one who speaks gossip against his companion feels proud and appears in his own eyes as a righteous person, for he thinks, "So and so did thus and thus, but I did not do anything like it." So we find that the gossip vaunts himself and claims merit for himself. Now if he did a good deed and claimed merit for it, that would be very bad, all the more so when he commits a great sin through gossip and claims merit for himself. And if a man speaks gossip against orphans or widows then his guilt is even greater — for they suffer affliction to begin with, and he causes them to suffer still more.

Come and see, how careful a man ought to be to guard himself against gossip. If a man says to his companion, "Where can I obtain fire?" And his companion answers, "Why in the house of so and so; he always has plenty of meat and fish." Even this is gossip! (Arakin 15b).

And there is another wrong which smacks of gossip — for example, where a person says, "Oh, better be silent about so and so; I don't want to say what I know about him!" — and so in all similar cases. And our Sages further said, "Let no man ever talk in praise of his neighbor, for through his praise he will come to disparage him" (Arakin 16a, and see Baba Bathra 164b). The meaning of this is: if you praise a man to his enemy, he will retort, "How can you praise him so much when he does this and this." And concerning this it is said, "He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him" (Prov. 27:14). But to praise a man before his friends is permitted, as we have learned, "Rabban Johanan the son of Zakkai had five (outstanding) disciples, and he used to recount their praises" (Aboth 2:8). Then, there is the one who speaks gossip by way of a joke or by way of frivolity (that is, he is not speaking out of hatred), and that is what Solomon said in his wisdom, "As a madman who casteth firebrands, arrows and death; so is the man that deceiveth his neighbour and saith: "Am not I in sport?" (Prov. 26:18—19).

Then there is he who speaks gossip by way of deceit: he tells it with seeming innocence, as though he does not know that he is indulging in gossip, and when others rebuke him he says, "I really don't know whether so and so is guilty of these things." Or he says, "This may be merely gossip." One who speaks words that cause harm to his fellow man, whether it be to his body or to his money, even though it be to distress him or to frighten him, it is gossip. If a man says something to his companion, he is forbidden to reveal it without his permission (Yoma 4b). But anything which a man says in front of three people it is as though he intended it to be common knowledge and if one of the three who heard it told about it we cannot say that this is gossip (Arakin 15b). But if the teller intends to reveal more than he heard, then there is something of gossip in it. And if the speaker warns those who heard him not to reveal it, even though he speaks in the presence of many people, still if one of those who were warned does reveal it, it is a sort of gossip. There is a story about a certain pupil who revealed a thing that had been said in the house of study twenty-two years earlier and they drove him out of the house of study and they said, "This one is a revealer of secrets" (Sanh. 31a).

And there is another sin which is called tale-bearing. Now, who is a tale bearer? One who loads himself with stories about others and goes from one to another and says, "Thus did so and so say," and "Thus and thus did I hear about that one." Even though what he tells is true, this kind of thing destroys the world. And we have been warned about this, as it is written, "Thou shall not go up and down as a tale-bearer among thy people" (Lev. 19:16). And what is tale-bearing? One who reveals to another things that were said about him in secret, and we have learned (Sanh. 31a): "Whence do we know that when a judge comes out he must not say, 'I was for acquittal, while my colleagues were for condemnation; but what could I do, seeing that they were in the majority?' " Scripture states, "Thou shall not go up and down as a tale-bearer among thy people" (Lev. 19:16), and further, "He that goeth about as a tale-bearer revealeth secrets" (Prov. 11:13).

Be very careful concerning gossip for with this you shame yourself. For he who finds others unworthy is himself unworthy, and he does not speak in praise of anyone, and his way is to find people unworthy with the fault that he himself possesses (Kiddushin 70a).For this fault of his is constantly on his mind and when he gossips he expresses it with his mouth. For every man can be tested and recognized by his deeds. How? When you see a man who is accustomed to praise women and to speak of them always, know that he loves women. And if he praises good food and wine and does so constantly, know that he is a glutton and a drunkard And so is it with everything. And proof of this you may find in the verse, "Oh how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day" (Ps. 119:97). Because I love the Torah, I always speak of it — since whatever a person loves in his heart, he lends to speak about always.

A gossip always seeks out the faults of people; he is like the flies who always rest on the dirty spot. If a man has boils, the flies will let the rest of the body go and sit on the boil. And thus it is with a gossip. He overlooks all the good in a man and speaks only of the evil. There is a story about a certain man who went with a wise man in the field, and they saw a corpse. The man said, "How putrid this corpse is." And the wise man said, "How white are its teeth." Thus the wise man rebuked his companion and said in effect, "Why must you speak about its blemish; speak of its excellence, for one should always speak in commendation of the world."

If you see a man who speaks a word or does a deed which can be interpreted either favorably or unfavorably, then if he is a man who reveres God you are obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if the unfavorable interpretation appears more likely. And if he is an ordinary person who guards himself from sin, but occasionally stumbles, it is still your duty to put doubt aside and decide his favor. And our Sages, of blessed memory, said: "He who judges his neighbor in the scale of merit is himself judged favorably" (Shabbath 127b). And this is a positive commandment in the Torah, as it is said, "But in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbor" (Lev. 19:15). And if the matter inclines to the unfavorable interpretation, let it be with you as though there were a doubt and do not judge the man unfavorably. But if the man's deeds for the most part are evil, and you know that he is not one who reveres God in his heart, then you should put the unfavorable interpretation on his deeds and words.

If a man revealed your sin, do not say, "Just as he revealed my sin, I will now reveal his sin," As it is said, "Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge" (Lev. 19:18). Neither may you boast and say, "Even though he has revealed my sin, I will not reveal his," for by so speaking you have already revealed the half of it. And this matter is a very great principle in the whole concept of reverence of God. But if the one who sins does not fear God then he is as one who throws off the yoke of the kingdom of Heaven from upon him, and if he does not guard himself against a single transgression which all the people of the city know to be a sin, then one does well to speak evil of him and to reveal his sins and to cause the sinner, to be odious in the eyes of the people, in order that the people may hear and despise him and set themselves apart from transgressions, as it is said, "An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous" (Prov. 29:27). And it is said, "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil" (Prov. 8:13). And they said, a wicked man who is the son of a righteous man may be called "a wicked man, son of the wicked," while a righteous man who is the son of a wicked man may be called "a righteous man, son of the righteous" — and precisely in this way is it permitted to shame him for the sake of Heaven. But a man who quarrels with another and intends to shame him for his own satisfaction and not for the sake of Heaven, may not reveal his sin (Sanh. 52a). And similarly if the one who reveals the transgression of his companion is himself a sinner, he should not reveal the wrong of another sinner, for he certainly is not revealing the secrets of the sinner for a good purpose. "But the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury" (Prov. 14:23).

There are a few instance where it is commendable to engage in gossip. For example, in the case of two wicked men who have taken counsel to do evil, it is permitted, by gossip, to make them hate each other and do evil to one another, in order that they do not do evil to good people. And so is it with an adulterer who is pursuing an adultress, it is a good deed to gossip about them so that they should not commit the transgression. And there are times when even though the sinner is a completely wicked person it still is not proper to shame him in public — when there is the danger that this will cause him to become an unbeliever. It is permissible to use gossip against people who are always starting quarrels, as it is said, "I also will come in after thee, and confirm thy words" (I Kings 1:14) (See T.P. Peah 1:1).

Because so many things depend upon the tongue, it is necessary to guard the tongue very much. And therefore David said, "Keep thy tongue from evil" (Ps. 34:14). And our Sages, of blessed memory, recounted a story about a certain man who cried out in the streets, "Who wants to purchase the elixir of life?" Everybody came to buy. He then took out the Book of Psalms and showed them what was written in it: "Who is the man that desireth life and loveth days, that he may see good therein? Keep thy tongue from evil" (Ps. 34:13—14). And when Rabbi Yannai saw this, he took this man into his house and he fed him and he gave him drink and money. The pupils of Rabbi Yannai came to him and said to him, "Did you not know this verse before?" And he said to them, "I did know it — but I never put it in my heart to be careful concerning this. When I used to read this verse I would go over it hastily and did not realize its full meaning. And now this man came and made it mean something to me, and from now on I shall be more careful with my tongue" (Lev. Rabbah 16:2; Shohar Tov, 52b).

Therefore, a man whose tongue is accustomed to flatter, to scoff, to gossip, to lie, to indulge in idle talk — and who now wishes to subdue this impulse and put up a strong fence against this vice — such a man should make a fence by keeping apart from his original companions with whom he used to indulge in scoffing and flattery and gossip and lies. For if he should again draw close to them, he will not be able to restrain himself from this sin, for they will begin to speak with him as they were accustomed to do and then he will not be able to restrain himself from speaking with them as he was accustomed to do. And such a man should accustom himself severely to silence in order to develop the habit of opening his mouth very little, and he often should sit by himself in a room and occupy himself with Torah and he should join the company of the pious who speak only of the Torah and of reverence of God. And in this manner he should accustom himself to do for a long time and then he will find healing for his wound.

It is written, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that indulge it shall eat the fruit thereof" (Prov. 18:21). There is a story about a king of Persia who became ill, and the doctors said to him, "You cannot be healed until they bring you the milk of a lioness and then we will make you a medicine that will heal you." One of the men present said, "I will bring you the milk of a lioness if you wish, but give me ten goats." The king told his servants to give them to him, and they did so. He went to a pit of lions and there was a lioness there who was giving suck to her young. The first day he stood far off and threw one goat to the lioness and she ate it. The second day he came closer to her a bit and threw her another goat, and thus did he do until he was able to play with the lioness, and he took some of her milk and started back. As he was travelling along the way, he saw in a dream that his limbs were quarrelling with one another. The leg said, "There are no limbs like us, for if we had not gone our master would not have been able to bring the milk." Then the hand said, "There is no one like us, for if we had not done our part, nothing would have happened." The brain said, "There is no one like me! If I had not given counsel, of what use would any of you have been?" Then the tongue said, "There is nobody like me. For if I had not said that we would do this thing, who would have done it?" All the limbs answered, "How dare you compare yourself with us? You are in a place of darkness, and you possess no bone like the rest of the limbs." And the tongue replied to them, "This day will you say that I rule over all of you."

The man kept the dream in mind. He went to the king and he said to him, "My lord, the king, here is the milk of a bitch." The king got very angry and ordered that the man be hanged. As he was about to be hanged, all the limbs began to weep. Whereupon the tongue said to them, "Did I not tell you that you are not worth anything? If I save you, will you confess that I am king over all of you?" And they said to her, "Yes!" Then the man said to the executioners, "Take me back to the king, perhaps I can be saved." So they returned the man to the king, and the man asked, "Why did you order that I be hanged?" And the king said, "Because you brought me the milk of a bitch." The man said, "What difference does it make as long as you are healed? And moreover, a lioness is often called a bitch. They took the milk from him and tested it and it was found to be the milk of a lioness. Then all of the limbs said to the tongue, "Now we confess to you that you are king." And this is the meaning of the saying, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." Therefore David said (Ps. 39:2), "I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue" (Shohar Tov, 39:2—3, and Yalkut Tehillim, item 721).

See how the tongue is better than sacrifices, for it is said, "I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving. And it shall please the Lord better than a bullock that hath horns and hoofs" (Ps. 69:31—32).

You must consider well and distinguish clearly this matter of the tongue, because all the affairs of a man, whether for evil or for good, depend upon it. With his tongue, a man can commit great and mighty transgressions without number, such as informing, tale-bearing, scoffing, flattery, lies, and the like. And all of these great transgressions bring no profit to the owner of the tongue. And with his tongue a man can also do precepts without limit. And there are many people who say, "How can we do a good deed? We do not have money which we can give to the poor." They do not know that the source of the precepts is very near to them — the source of life in this world and in the world-to-come, and that is the tongue. And thus did David say, "Who wishes to acquire the life of this world and of the world to come?" And they said to them, "No one can stay in both worlds." Then he said to them, "It is very cheap," as it is written, "Who is the man that desireth life" (Ps. 34:13). They said to him, "Who is the one that can acquire life?" And he said to them (Ps. 34:14), "Keep thy tongue from evil" (Shohar Tov, 39:4; and see Abodah Zarah 19b).

A man should accustom himself to speak words of Torah and of reverence of God and to reprove people, and to command his sons ofter him to observe and to do (the commandments) — to comfort the mourners, to comfort the poor, to speak to their hearts good words of consolation, to speak the truth, and to accustom oneself to pray with songs and praises — and then he will be beloved below and dearly beloved above, and his reward will be in the great good which is treasured up for the righteous.